So here I was, bored out of my mind at work (it was a really slow day despite me having a lot to do) when I started thinking about men. Not in a sexual way. I started thinking that men have to be the most complicated individuals on earth. Especially the so-called players. So me and my girls were chilling out some time back and one of my friends sees this really hot guy (trust me, he was hot!!!). They kick it, and pretty soon it was movies at his place, drinks and stuff. She made it clear that all she wanted was a memorable sexual encounter with him... on the regular would be ideal, but if that was not possible then a one time encounter would have been great!!! You'd think he'd jump at the idea of no-strings-attached sex... wouldn't you?
Well he did jump, and she was happy. She got what she wanted and she was content. Him? He began avoiding her... Running across streets to avoid talking to her; staying indoors when he sees her going to the local pub... leaving the house when he sees her retiring for the night. Till one day she said enough was enough, and picked up the phone and called him. On further inquiring, he says that he couldn't believe how emotionless she was about the whole thing. He couldn't stand seeing her flirting with other guys and trying to hook up with other guys.
What? I thought men have perfected the art of no-strings attached!
Which brings me to another topic: If she wants it all the time and she's not ashamed to go for it, she's a whore. If he wants it all the time and he's not afraid of going for it, he's the man!!! What is wrong with this picture?
Monday, May 16, 2011
The tried-and-tested asshole
I hate blind dates. I also hate dating/ meeting celebrities. I hate blind dates because I do not know what to expect. I hate dating/meeting celebrities because I think most of them are full of themselves (unless I knew you pre-stardom). Let me put a disclaimer at this point and say that I never out-rightly condemn a situation. I believe I will try everything once (within reason, of course). That said, allow me to paint a picture for you.
It’s a nice balmy Friday afternoon, around four o’clock. I am nervous because in two and a half short hours I’m supposed to meet Fred, the guy who according to some girls of mine, will change my perspective on (blind) dating. I must admit, a part of me is excited because of the infinite possibilities of the night. Anyway, at this point in time I am contemplating what to wear: too sexy and he’ll think I’m easy, too proper and he’ll think I’m boring. To add to this, he had already mentioned that we would meet at the Jockey Pub at the Hilton. I had never been there so I did not know whether going in jeans would make me under-dressed. I finally settled on wearing my (trademark) stiletto open toes, a knee-length black skirt and a nice blouse. Smart casual. Win-win situation either way.
I get to the Jockey Pub at 6.20pm (Truth be told, I was early on purpose so that I could get a discreet table and watch the people walking in and see who was trying to call me. Who says you can’t learn a thing or two from the movies?) He was on time. At 6.30pm in walks this guy. Dressed in a grey suit and a tie-less baby blue shirt, that man knew his body frame and what flatters him. As he came closer I glanced at his shoes (I don’t care how hot you are or even if you are dressed like a male model, I will not have any romantic inclinations towards you if your shoes are whack. No thank you!), and they were nice black loafers. Mmmm I liked already!!!! He was not your typical pretty boy but he definitely exuded confidence, which in turn made him ooze sexiness. I gave my girls a mental high five and promised myself that the next time we went out it was all on me.
Fred sits down and we proceed to introduce ourselves to each other. Before long, he has taken the liberty of asking for a food menu and ordering for both of us (assertive and in command: you know what they say about men like that LOL). He asks me what I would like to drink and I ask for a glass of wine (Simonsig white – those South Africans know what they are doing; I don’t care if people beg to differ). So the small talk is out of the way. I have established that Fred is writer/producer with a major media house in the country and that he lives in Lavington. Actually he gave me his life history in some form of checklist that went some what like this:
* Financial stability: check. I make roughly 90,000 after deductions and tax.
* Accommodation: check. It’s a four bedroomed house. I converted one into a study so that when I carry work from home I can work in peace.
* Schooling: You know Manchester is really cold in the winter. I remember this time when we were going for this symposium in Central London on the Ethical Issues Governing the Fourth Estate and it…
* Business: Oh, sorry to interrupt you, but now that you mention it my friend and I are planning to start a media advisory company. It should do well in this market considering…
* Family: You like the wine? My dad knows the guy who is on the board of the company that owns the vineyard.
* Cars: I just sold my Mark X after two months of use. I bought it straight from the showroom and I barely used it. I generally prefer the Sport.
* Friends: My friends are like the wildest pack ever! One time we went to this house party…
* Travels: In fact next time I go to SA I will bring you several casks of Simonsig.
* Career: You think your job gets tiring? Imagine have to travel four times every week to some country and…
* Sports: Why do you support Man U? Wait, why does a woman watch football in the first place? Effeminate women are very attractive and sports fanatics are the opposite of that.
* Politics: I think that this country, despite its problems, is pretty well run…
Notice any trend here? Not only did I disagree (and sometimes take offense) at what he said, the fact that it was all about him made me want to inhale my dinner and run. No amount of wining and dining would make that experience worthwhile. He would, for example, ask me what I thought of the current political temperature and I would begin by responding that I thought we as a country still had a long way. At that point he would interrupt me to deliver his monologue on current topic. By the way I kid you not, this is a true story. Celebrity plus blind date, and real name withheld for obvious reasons.
So I suppose I was supposed to be star-struck and in awe and fawn over his every word, gesture or signal. I thought him to be one of the most shallow and self centered individuals I had ever met. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines conversation as an oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions or ideas. Exchange. Trade between two. Really this was not going on. Then to boot, he had the air of an individual speaking authoritatively because of his job. I mean, please. Just because you work in the media doesn’t make you more knowledgeable than me. After all that was said and done, I ended up leaving by 7.45 pm (and that was an eternity to me) as opposed to the ten o’clock I had planned on.
Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to share your experiences in blind dating with the Diaspora. Was it good? Bad? Plain ugly? Like me, have you sworn off random hook up plans? What’s your take on celebrities? Do share.
It’s a nice balmy Friday afternoon, around four o’clock. I am nervous because in two and a half short hours I’m supposed to meet Fred, the guy who according to some girls of mine, will change my perspective on (blind) dating. I must admit, a part of me is excited because of the infinite possibilities of the night. Anyway, at this point in time I am contemplating what to wear: too sexy and he’ll think I’m easy, too proper and he’ll think I’m boring. To add to this, he had already mentioned that we would meet at the Jockey Pub at the Hilton. I had never been there so I did not know whether going in jeans would make me under-dressed. I finally settled on wearing my (trademark) stiletto open toes, a knee-length black skirt and a nice blouse. Smart casual. Win-win situation either way.
I get to the Jockey Pub at 6.20pm (Truth be told, I was early on purpose so that I could get a discreet table and watch the people walking in and see who was trying to call me. Who says you can’t learn a thing or two from the movies?) He was on time. At 6.30pm in walks this guy. Dressed in a grey suit and a tie-less baby blue shirt, that man knew his body frame and what flatters him. As he came closer I glanced at his shoes (I don’t care how hot you are or even if you are dressed like a male model, I will not have any romantic inclinations towards you if your shoes are whack. No thank you!), and they were nice black loafers. Mmmm I liked already!!!! He was not your typical pretty boy but he definitely exuded confidence, which in turn made him ooze sexiness. I gave my girls a mental high five and promised myself that the next time we went out it was all on me.
Fred sits down and we proceed to introduce ourselves to each other. Before long, he has taken the liberty of asking for a food menu and ordering for both of us (assertive and in command: you know what they say about men like that LOL). He asks me what I would like to drink and I ask for a glass of wine (Simonsig white – those South Africans know what they are doing; I don’t care if people beg to differ). So the small talk is out of the way. I have established that Fred is writer/producer with a major media house in the country and that he lives in Lavington. Actually he gave me his life history in some form of checklist that went some what like this:
* Financial stability: check. I make roughly 90,000 after deductions and tax.
* Accommodation: check. It’s a four bedroomed house. I converted one into a study so that when I carry work from home I can work in peace.
* Schooling: You know Manchester is really cold in the winter. I remember this time when we were going for this symposium in Central London on the Ethical Issues Governing the Fourth Estate and it…
* Business: Oh, sorry to interrupt you, but now that you mention it my friend and I are planning to start a media advisory company. It should do well in this market considering…
* Family: You like the wine? My dad knows the guy who is on the board of the company that owns the vineyard.
* Cars: I just sold my Mark X after two months of use. I bought it straight from the showroom and I barely used it. I generally prefer the Sport.
* Friends: My friends are like the wildest pack ever! One time we went to this house party…
* Travels: In fact next time I go to SA I will bring you several casks of Simonsig.
* Career: You think your job gets tiring? Imagine have to travel four times every week to some country and…
* Sports: Why do you support Man U? Wait, why does a woman watch football in the first place? Effeminate women are very attractive and sports fanatics are the opposite of that.
* Politics: I think that this country, despite its problems, is pretty well run…
Notice any trend here? Not only did I disagree (and sometimes take offense) at what he said, the fact that it was all about him made me want to inhale my dinner and run. No amount of wining and dining would make that experience worthwhile. He would, for example, ask me what I thought of the current political temperature and I would begin by responding that I thought we as a country still had a long way. At that point he would interrupt me to deliver his monologue on current topic. By the way I kid you not, this is a true story. Celebrity plus blind date, and real name withheld for obvious reasons.
So I suppose I was supposed to be star-struck and in awe and fawn over his every word, gesture or signal. I thought him to be one of the most shallow and self centered individuals I had ever met. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines conversation as an oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions or ideas. Exchange. Trade between two. Really this was not going on. Then to boot, he had the air of an individual speaking authoritatively because of his job. I mean, please. Just because you work in the media doesn’t make you more knowledgeable than me. After all that was said and done, I ended up leaving by 7.45 pm (and that was an eternity to me) as opposed to the ten o’clock I had planned on.
Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to share your experiences in blind dating with the Diaspora. Was it good? Bad? Plain ugly? Like me, have you sworn off random hook up plans? What’s your take on celebrities? Do share.
Unrequited love and moving on…
So I was reading some stories I had written the other day and trying to remember what frame of mind I was in when I wrote them. I came across a story I had written about a girl who wrote a letter to the love of her life telling him about her life (without him) and she winds the letter with a punch line about how the one time they had sex she got pregnant with his kid.
Coincidentally Charlene by Anthony Hamilton was playing then and I was like, “Oh here’s someone else who understands unrequited love.” Love songs sung with such emotion that belies a wound that, beneath the scar, really has never healed. A wound caused by emotional battles and eventual exhaustion with your significant other, who also happens to be your first love. The one who you gave your all to. The one who you gave 100%.
After (insert number of months or years here) of dating, and it does not work out, is it possible for someone to move on and give their all (be it mentally, emotionally, physically, materially) again? It took me three and a half years to get over my first love and actually consider even dating again. It took me three years to stop contemplating calling him to just “hang out”. It took me three years to finally pass by his house and say, “Wow I really loved you” without breaking down and crying. When we broke up, Dru Hill had just released their latest album Dru World Order, and I wrote out all the words of “I Love You” in the form of a letter and sent it to him. Three years. Now, almost seven years later, I have gone through the I-hate-men-so-much phase, then the I-like-you-but-don’t-expect-anything-more-from-me phase. I dated a few guys but nothing super serious that made me think that I could see a major future with so-and-so.
Now, I believe I am ok. But am I capable of giving my all again to someone else? When I think of self-preservation, I say no. I do not think that I have the strength, or even enough heart left over to go through this again. Is this fair to the other person? Never. But again, self-preservation dictates, to me, that I’d rather give 80% to the other person as opposed to 100% so that in case it fails it will hurt, but definitely not as bad as giving my all. I don’t know. That is how it seems to me now. I may or may not have met a person who has convinced me that they are worth 100% of me despite all that I have been through, but I know this for sure: it will be something else.
I asked a couple of guys for their opinion and one guy summed it up for me: If you ever see a player or the so-called bastard man, just know it is a woman that he loved that turned him into what he is today.
So, ladies and gentlemen, what are your experiences when it comes to first loves? Have you succeeded in moving past that and loving someone wholeheartedly again? Is unabashed love possible second time round? Do share.
Coincidentally Charlene by Anthony Hamilton was playing then and I was like, “Oh here’s someone else who understands unrequited love.” Love songs sung with such emotion that belies a wound that, beneath the scar, really has never healed. A wound caused by emotional battles and eventual exhaustion with your significant other, who also happens to be your first love. The one who you gave your all to. The one who you gave 100%.
After (insert number of months or years here) of dating, and it does not work out, is it possible for someone to move on and give their all (be it mentally, emotionally, physically, materially) again? It took me three and a half years to get over my first love and actually consider even dating again. It took me three years to stop contemplating calling him to just “hang out”. It took me three years to finally pass by his house and say, “Wow I really loved you” without breaking down and crying. When we broke up, Dru Hill had just released their latest album Dru World Order, and I wrote out all the words of “I Love You” in the form of a letter and sent it to him. Three years. Now, almost seven years later, I have gone through the I-hate-men-so-much phase, then the I-like-you-but-don’t-expect-anything-more-from-me phase. I dated a few guys but nothing super serious that made me think that I could see a major future with so-and-so.
Now, I believe I am ok. But am I capable of giving my all again to someone else? When I think of self-preservation, I say no. I do not think that I have the strength, or even enough heart left over to go through this again. Is this fair to the other person? Never. But again, self-preservation dictates, to me, that I’d rather give 80% to the other person as opposed to 100% so that in case it fails it will hurt, but definitely not as bad as giving my all. I don’t know. That is how it seems to me now. I may or may not have met a person who has convinced me that they are worth 100% of me despite all that I have been through, but I know this for sure: it will be something else.
I asked a couple of guys for their opinion and one guy summed it up for me: If you ever see a player or the so-called bastard man, just know it is a woman that he loved that turned him into what he is today.
So, ladies and gentlemen, what are your experiences when it comes to first loves? Have you succeeded in moving past that and loving someone wholeheartedly again? Is unabashed love possible second time round? Do share.
Shame shame!!!
Today's post is dedicated to a group of people that I think need a serious sit-down.
So yesterday I was hanging out with some pals and we got to talking about break-ups. Actually this came about when he confessed to us that he was still in love with his first love and six years later, he was messing up potential relationships as a result of these feelings that he had not dealt with (remember unrequited love and moving on?)
Anyway, as we listened to how he missed her and wished things would be different, my friend Ally asked him what happened to lead to the break-up. He explained that their relationship was somewhat not conventional; if he was upset with her he would write her a long email and she would respond in kind. And that there is how they would iron out issues in their relationship.
No problem there, for me. I mean, to each his own. My problem came up when he told us that he sent her an sms telling her it was over. An sms! What?!?! She replied and said, "OK." This upset him so much. I was like, "Hold up, let's back up a minute here. You are upset that she said one word! What did you just do? You broke up with her via TEXT!" The story goes on and on and I am so angry at the fact that he would break up with her in such an impersonal manner after a relationship of two years. Ally, definitely in Corner CM, said that that was a coward's way out (she later informed us that her ex had sent pizza to her with a note attached to it explaining that their relationship was over, and how it was him and not her... you know the usual babble).
Ladies and gentlemen, a break-up that is not face-to-face is cowardly, shameful and despicable. You owe it to this person that you once professed love to to sit down and explain why the relationship is over and even maybe discuss if there is any hope. You take this opportunity, if possible, to end things amicably. Maybe then, we'd have more friendships sustained over time.
What do you think, good people? What creative, yet inappropriate, methods has someone undertaken in dumping you? Or how have you broken off with someone? Do share!
So yesterday I was hanging out with some pals and we got to talking about break-ups. Actually this came about when he confessed to us that he was still in love with his first love and six years later, he was messing up potential relationships as a result of these feelings that he had not dealt with (remember unrequited love and moving on?)
Anyway, as we listened to how he missed her and wished things would be different, my friend Ally asked him what happened to lead to the break-up. He explained that their relationship was somewhat not conventional; if he was upset with her he would write her a long email and she would respond in kind. And that there is how they would iron out issues in their relationship.
No problem there, for me. I mean, to each his own. My problem came up when he told us that he sent her an sms telling her it was over. An sms! What?!?! She replied and said, "OK." This upset him so much. I was like, "Hold up, let's back up a minute here. You are upset that she said one word! What did you just do? You broke up with her via TEXT!" The story goes on and on and I am so angry at the fact that he would break up with her in such an impersonal manner after a relationship of two years. Ally, definitely in Corner CM, said that that was a coward's way out (she later informed us that her ex had sent pizza to her with a note attached to it explaining that their relationship was over, and how it was him and not her... you know the usual babble).
Ladies and gentlemen, a break-up that is not face-to-face is cowardly, shameful and despicable. You owe it to this person that you once professed love to to sit down and explain why the relationship is over and even maybe discuss if there is any hope. You take this opportunity, if possible, to end things amicably. Maybe then, we'd have more friendships sustained over time.
What do you think, good people? What creative, yet inappropriate, methods has someone undertaken in dumping you? Or how have you broken off with someone? Do share!
GLBT - what is its position in society?
So here I am cruising through some of my favorite blogs, when I came across two articles which caught my attention. The first one was an essay written last week by His Grace Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu (In Africa, a step backward on human rights) in which he (a) basically expressed that hate had no place in the house of God. No one should be excluded from our love, our compassion or our concern because of race or gender, faith or ethnicity -- or because of their sexual orientation, and (b) that no one chooses to be gay. Sexual orientation, like skin color, is another feature of our diversity as a human family. The second was an article written about a school that canceled the high school prom after a student asked whether she could come with her lesbian girlfriend as her date (US school cancels prom 'over lesbian date').
And I stopped to think. Real hard. Because the debate on same-sex anything has raged on for much too long. I mean, from the POV of my Christian up-bringing, same-sex anything is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord. Why, then, would a man as esteemed and respected as His Grace try to preach otherwise? I quote, 'Show me where Christ said "Love thy fellow man, except for the gay ones." Gay people, too, are made in my God's image. I would never worship a homophobic God.' That having been said, I do not believe in gay-bashing and do not support the waves of attacks that have been perpetuated towards this particular group of people. At the end of the day they are human beings and deserve every fundamental human right out there that is to be accorded to every citizen of the world.
These attacks that are being carried out in the name of whichever God in question are just but an excuse. Even Jesus loved the sinner but hated the sin (for example in Matthew 9:10 - And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples...) Tolerance and separation of person from deed are just but some of those things that have become a rumor with society today. Don't get me wrong when I say tolerance: my definition of tolerance in this context is exactly that of loving the sinner and hating the sin. Isn't it about time we actually stood for something because it is right and not because it is politically correct?
And I stopped to think. Real hard. Because the debate on same-sex anything has raged on for much too long. I mean, from the POV of my Christian up-bringing, same-sex anything is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord. Why, then, would a man as esteemed and respected as His Grace try to preach otherwise? I quote, 'Show me where Christ said "Love thy fellow man, except for the gay ones." Gay people, too, are made in my God's image. I would never worship a homophobic God.' That having been said, I do not believe in gay-bashing and do not support the waves of attacks that have been perpetuated towards this particular group of people. At the end of the day they are human beings and deserve every fundamental human right out there that is to be accorded to every citizen of the world.
These attacks that are being carried out in the name of whichever God in question are just but an excuse. Even Jesus loved the sinner but hated the sin (for example in Matthew 9:10 - And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples...) Tolerance and separation of person from deed are just but some of those things that have become a rumor with society today. Don't get me wrong when I say tolerance: my definition of tolerance in this context is exactly that of loving the sinner and hating the sin. Isn't it about time we actually stood for something because it is right and not because it is politically correct?
Grey areas that require no grey matter to get into
Being different has always been the curse of the bold. Galileo Galilei was ordered to stand trial on suspicion of heresy in 1633 when he defended heliocentrism, a theory that places the sun at the center of the universe. The Church forced him to recant on penalty of death rather than change antiquated notions.
In the world over, many communities believed and practiced FGM, given the importance given to virginity and an intact hymen. Waris Dirie was nearly crucified (metaphorically speaking) by her people (and others of the same beliefs) for running away, and eventually becoming UN's Special Ambassador for the Elimination of Female Genital Mutilation. She still lives under the shadow of threats from fanatics who consider FGM a holy rite of passage.
There are many examples of bold people suffering because of speaking out littering the paths of history. Conformity has been glorified from time immemorial. Even in traditional Kenya there are proverbs and sayings that promote conventionalism as a way of being. Contemporary Kenya has perfected the art of toeing the line to the point where having an opinion or stating a clear stand seems irrational. After all, if everyone is doing it or saying it it must be right, right?
Grey area (n): an area, situation, etc., lacking clearly defined characteristics.
Grey areas have become a cesspool of everything "sensitive, delicate or socially offensive". This is the place where we throw in anything that makes us feel anything from mildly uncomfortable to deeply offended. Abortion, gay rights, the ever-widening poverty gap between the rich and the poor; you name it and you cringe, it's in there. Do we still wonder why things never ever get done in this country?
From one POV, one could say that by not taking a stand, one is taking a stand. After all, I choose not to align myself with either camp because both have valid points (or none at all). But the danger here is that there will always be only one voice being heard: the voice of the majority which is not always right. And when the majority quieten down, there will be the deafening sound of silence from you and I who choose not to speak up.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Edmund Burke
In the world over, many communities believed and practiced FGM, given the importance given to virginity and an intact hymen. Waris Dirie was nearly crucified (metaphorically speaking) by her people (and others of the same beliefs) for running away, and eventually becoming UN's Special Ambassador for the Elimination of Female Genital Mutilation. She still lives under the shadow of threats from fanatics who consider FGM a holy rite of passage.
There are many examples of bold people suffering because of speaking out littering the paths of history. Conformity has been glorified from time immemorial. Even in traditional Kenya there are proverbs and sayings that promote conventionalism as a way of being. Contemporary Kenya has perfected the art of toeing the line to the point where having an opinion or stating a clear stand seems irrational. After all, if everyone is doing it or saying it it must be right, right?
Grey area (n): an area, situation, etc., lacking clearly defined characteristics.
Grey areas have become a cesspool of everything "sensitive, delicate or socially offensive". This is the place where we throw in anything that makes us feel anything from mildly uncomfortable to deeply offended. Abortion, gay rights, the ever-widening poverty gap between the rich and the poor; you name it and you cringe, it's in there. Do we still wonder why things never ever get done in this country?
From one POV, one could say that by not taking a stand, one is taking a stand. After all, I choose not to align myself with either camp because both have valid points (or none at all). But the danger here is that there will always be only one voice being heard: the voice of the majority which is not always right. And when the majority quieten down, there will be the deafening sound of silence from you and I who choose not to speak up.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Edmund Burke
To be a booty call or not to be...
chips fungwa (v, used with females): a condition in which a woman proceeds to the lodgings or abode of a member of the [usually] opposite sex after being convinced through different methods inc., but not restricted to, coercion, major kiswahili, chemikali, and black out, and sometimes wakes up in the morning and proceeds to do the Walk of Shame.
sausage fungwa (v, used with males): see chips fungwa.
I was listening to Lyfe Jennings' new single Statistics off his new album, I Still Believe. That song preaches it like there is no tomorrow!
RULE #1
Don't be a booty call
If he don't respect you girl he gon forget you girl
RULE #2
If he's in a relationship
If he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you
RULE #3
Tell him that you're celibate
And if he wants some of your goodies he gon have to work for it
RULE #4
Be the person you wanna find
Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime
I wonder, what defines relationships these days? Or rather, what defines the dating scene? A typical night out at the rave consists of a group of friends going out for drinks and a night of fun. At one point there is a sort-of "courtship" ritual that goes on. The guys have seen some chics they like and are out on the prowl... Ladies are acting coy as the guys are busy being innovative in their attempts to impress the ladies in question. Before long, it is time to leave and those who are successful will have their chips funga or sausage funga (after all, we are in the times of liberated women who take away the guys).
It is the superfluous things for which men sweat.*
What, really, is the point? Does it mean that old school courting is out of the window? Could it be that our ways of doing things are contributing to the major vacancies in people's heart that come about after a short period? Are there people out there who are fed up with the status quo?
*Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 BC-65) Roman philosopher and playwright.
sausage fungwa (v, used with males): see chips fungwa.
I was listening to Lyfe Jennings' new single Statistics off his new album, I Still Believe. That song preaches it like there is no tomorrow!
RULE #1
Don't be a booty call
If he don't respect you girl he gon forget you girl
RULE #2
If he's in a relationship
If he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you
RULE #3
Tell him that you're celibate
And if he wants some of your goodies he gon have to work for it
RULE #4
Be the person you wanna find
Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime
I wonder, what defines relationships these days? Or rather, what defines the dating scene? A typical night out at the rave consists of a group of friends going out for drinks and a night of fun. At one point there is a sort-of "courtship" ritual that goes on. The guys have seen some chics they like and are out on the prowl... Ladies are acting coy as the guys are busy being innovative in their attempts to impress the ladies in question. Before long, it is time to leave and those who are successful will have their chips funga or sausage funga (after all, we are in the times of liberated women who take away the guys).
It is the superfluous things for which men sweat.*
What, really, is the point? Does it mean that old school courting is out of the window? Could it be that our ways of doing things are contributing to the major vacancies in people's heart that come about after a short period? Are there people out there who are fed up with the status quo?
*Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 BC-65) Roman philosopher and playwright.
Return on Investment: the Beauty-Money equation and the Gold-digging concept
I came across this very interesting blog article that I leave with you to mull over.
Gold-diggers and the beauty pageant gorgeous women, please pay attention. This is not me hating, rather it is a candid conversation.
SHE SAID:
What am I doing wrong? Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all. Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips?
I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, Investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
HE SAID:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said, here’s how I see it.
Your offer, from the perspective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So, in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and old…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease.
In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
What say you?
Gold-diggers and the beauty pageant gorgeous women, please pay attention. This is not me hating, rather it is a candid conversation.
SHE SAID:
What am I doing wrong? Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all. Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips?
I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, Investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
HE SAID:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said, here’s how I see it.
Your offer, from the perspective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So, in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and old…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease.
In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
What say you?
Death to Gender Violence
“Sexual, racial, gender violence and other forms of discrimination and violence in a culture cannot be eliminated without changing culture.”
Charlotte Bunch
Rape threat stalks Kenya's slums. Worrying trend of gang rapes in Kenya.
These are just two of the numerous headlines that are constantly captured in the media on rape and gender violence. A small voice representing this terrible scourge plaguing our society. Please, dear reader, take a moment to read the two stories on the two sites. Is it that we are void of any emotion and can attack one another in the most brutal of ways such as this? Is our humanity and basic concern for one another dead within us? Charlotte Bunch was spot on when she said that we cannot eliminate gender violence without changing culture.
Tina and Tim had been dating for seven and a half years. They had a beautiful daughter, Noni, named after Tim's mother. When Tina told Tim that she got was pregnant, five years ago, we all thought that this was the end of them. Shock on us when Tim stood by her side and supported her through out the pregnancy and even after Noni was born. We all were envious of Tina and hoped and prayed fervently that we each would get a man like Tim. Now, they were planning their wedding and we all chipped in, hoping to make it a huge success. No one was deserving of a happy story like they were.
Two years into the marriage it began to crumble. Tim took up drinking, smoking, and had frequent extra-marital affairs. He even began to beat Tina, blaming her for the course of his life. I do not know the full story, but I can tell you that Tina is back at her parents house, two children, a miscarriage, a divorce and scarred heart later.
As a volunteer with an NGO in Nairobi, I had the opportunity to interact with many children that were less privileged than I was. I heard many nightmarish stories from our social workers about the abuse the children we worked with endured, but the one that took the cream was the story of one of the most beautiful children I have seen called Halima.
Halima was six years old at this point in time. Small in stature for her age, she made up for it by being very active and boisterous. She had limpid brown eyes that seem to reflect their depth. One could drown in those eyes. One day Halima did not come to class. Unfortunately, in this slum this was the norm and was no cause for worry. However, after three days of being a no-show, the social workers went to visit the family and inquire why Halima had not been to school.
Several hours later the social workers trudged in, and one of them was carrying the little girl in his arms. Amidst the flurry of activity in trying to get an ambulance to rush her to hospital, the social worker explained to me that the slum dwellers had heard her father, brother and uncle come into her mother's house and forcibly kicked her out, then proceeded to rape Halima. No one knows how long the ordeal lasted, but the effects were clear to be seen. Halima, in three days, had been reduced to a shadow of her former self and had refused to talk. To date the memory of that little girl sitting in the office breaks my heart.
Change is now. Change is over-due. This kind of violence has no place in our society.
If you are interested in making your mark, however small, please get in touch with Muthoni and Gathoni of Kimbilio Gender Violence Hotline through their email addresses: muthoni@kimbilio.or.ke and gathoni@kimbilio.or.ke
Alternatively, you could do one or more of the following:
1. Please tell people about the Kimbilio Gender Violence hotline. The number is 0 800 720 072. The service is free, confidential and anonymous so people should feel safe utilizing it.
2. Kimbilio will be receiving a monthly bill from Safaricom for all the calls received. Whatever you can pledge to help defray this cost would be greatly appreciated.
3. Volunteer! If you can commit a few hours a month you can volunteer at the hotline or assist in the various administrative tasks that Kimbilio requires assistance in.
Charlotte Bunch
Rape threat stalks Kenya's slums. Worrying trend of gang rapes in Kenya.
These are just two of the numerous headlines that are constantly captured in the media on rape and gender violence. A small voice representing this terrible scourge plaguing our society. Please, dear reader, take a moment to read the two stories on the two sites. Is it that we are void of any emotion and can attack one another in the most brutal of ways such as this? Is our humanity and basic concern for one another dead within us? Charlotte Bunch was spot on when she said that we cannot eliminate gender violence without changing culture.
Tina and Tim had been dating for seven and a half years. They had a beautiful daughter, Noni, named after Tim's mother. When Tina told Tim that she got was pregnant, five years ago, we all thought that this was the end of them. Shock on us when Tim stood by her side and supported her through out the pregnancy and even after Noni was born. We all were envious of Tina and hoped and prayed fervently that we each would get a man like Tim. Now, they were planning their wedding and we all chipped in, hoping to make it a huge success. No one was deserving of a happy story like they were.
Two years into the marriage it began to crumble. Tim took up drinking, smoking, and had frequent extra-marital affairs. He even began to beat Tina, blaming her for the course of his life. I do not know the full story, but I can tell you that Tina is back at her parents house, two children, a miscarriage, a divorce and scarred heart later.
As a volunteer with an NGO in Nairobi, I had the opportunity to interact with many children that were less privileged than I was. I heard many nightmarish stories from our social workers about the abuse the children we worked with endured, but the one that took the cream was the story of one of the most beautiful children I have seen called Halima.
Halima was six years old at this point in time. Small in stature for her age, she made up for it by being very active and boisterous. She had limpid brown eyes that seem to reflect their depth. One could drown in those eyes. One day Halima did not come to class. Unfortunately, in this slum this was the norm and was no cause for worry. However, after three days of being a no-show, the social workers went to visit the family and inquire why Halima had not been to school.
Several hours later the social workers trudged in, and one of them was carrying the little girl in his arms. Amidst the flurry of activity in trying to get an ambulance to rush her to hospital, the social worker explained to me that the slum dwellers had heard her father, brother and uncle come into her mother's house and forcibly kicked her out, then proceeded to rape Halima. No one knows how long the ordeal lasted, but the effects were clear to be seen. Halima, in three days, had been reduced to a shadow of her former self and had refused to talk. To date the memory of that little girl sitting in the office breaks my heart.
Change is now. Change is over-due. This kind of violence has no place in our society.
If you are interested in making your mark, however small, please get in touch with Muthoni and Gathoni of Kimbilio Gender Violence Hotline through their email addresses: muthoni@kimbilio.or.ke and gathoni@kimbilio.or.ke
Alternatively, you could do one or more of the following:
1. Please tell people about the Kimbilio Gender Violence hotline. The number is 0 800 720 072. The service is free, confidential and anonymous so people should feel safe utilizing it.
2. Kimbilio will be receiving a monthly bill from Safaricom for all the calls received. Whatever you can pledge to help defray this cost would be greatly appreciated.
3. Volunteer! If you can commit a few hours a month you can volunteer at the hotline or assist in the various administrative tasks that Kimbilio requires assistance in.
You can't make someone love you if they don't
I’ll close my eyes then I won’t see
The love you don’t feel when you’re holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what’s right
Just give me ‘til then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Coz I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something that it wont
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart 'til I feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
Coz I can’t make you love me if you don’t
Boyz II Men, I can't make you love me
The love you don’t feel when you’re holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what’s right
Just give me ‘til then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Coz I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something that it wont
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart 'til I feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
Coz I can’t make you love me if you don’t
Boyz II Men, I can't make you love me
Insomnia
I can't sleep. I can only think. I remember the last time I saw you and what you said to me. I replay those words in my head over and over like some mix tape under scrutiny for words, meaning, nuances. Any bit of hidden emotion I can glean I do.
I can't sleep. I can only think. I remember walking away with tears in my eyes, but you pulled me back. And when a tear did finally fall, you quickly wiped it away and with a sad smile you whispered, "Don't cry."
I can't sleep. I can only think. I am enveloped in your scent. You permeated my skin and brain and now all I can smell is you. I remember how your shirt felt against my skin as you held me. I remember how your fingers gently ran up and down my spine. I remember thinking that this was the hardest thing that I ever had to do in my life.
I can't sleep. I can only think. I remember pulling away and looking at you as if to memorize every detail of your characteristic face. The dimples that danced when you smiled. The eyes that looked at me as if I were the only woman in the world. The lips that kissed me sometimes softly and sometimes with a force that astonished me.
I then picked up my bags and walked through the airport entrance to board the plane that would take me to another place and time, to another, to a different dream and reality, knowing fully well I had left a huge chunk of my heart with you.
I can't sleep. I can only think. I remember walking away with tears in my eyes, but you pulled me back. And when a tear did finally fall, you quickly wiped it away and with a sad smile you whispered, "Don't cry."
I can't sleep. I can only think. I am enveloped in your scent. You permeated my skin and brain and now all I can smell is you. I remember how your shirt felt against my skin as you held me. I remember how your fingers gently ran up and down my spine. I remember thinking that this was the hardest thing that I ever had to do in my life.
I can't sleep. I can only think. I remember pulling away and looking at you as if to memorize every detail of your characteristic face. The dimples that danced when you smiled. The eyes that looked at me as if I were the only woman in the world. The lips that kissed me sometimes softly and sometimes with a force that astonished me.
I then picked up my bags and walked through the airport entrance to board the plane that would take me to another place and time, to another, to a different dream and reality, knowing fully well I had left a huge chunk of my heart with you.
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Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Reflections and thoughts
After a really long minute, I realized that I need to update CM on the many wonderful things happening to me...
I'M EXCITED ABOUT...
The numerous miracles that have been happening in my life. The understanding that I am wired for greatness and that the only person standing in my way is myself. Coco Malaika the company finally took off and did her maiden event on April 15th for Gallery Watatu. As a result I have gotten several requests for proposals, all of which look like they will pan out into business for CM. All love and gratitude to God above!
TODAY I'M FEELING...
Grateful for new friends (@rogerinc - ati mad shout-out); old friends who always remind me that I can do it. Grateful for a sounding board called Edu who takes all my mood swings and severe bouts of insecurity. Grateful to my folks for letting me mess up and still loving and supporting me. My siblings. Kui.
WHAT I AM LISTENING TO...
#myplaylist I wanna be a millionaire so freaking bad.... la la la
THIS WEEKEND...
Again, I shall be indoors typing furiously to keep up with the numerous ideas coming to my mind. The proposals must be written. Must be well-presented. Must be...
I"M CRAVING...
Food. I don't care which. I am STARVING!
I WISH...
that Kenyans would realize that they are first Kenyans then whatever tribe second.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK...
"When you are finished changing, you are finished." Benjamin Franklin
I'M EXCITED ABOUT...
The numerous miracles that have been happening in my life. The understanding that I am wired for greatness and that the only person standing in my way is myself. Coco Malaika the company finally took off and did her maiden event on April 15th for Gallery Watatu. As a result I have gotten several requests for proposals, all of which look like they will pan out into business for CM. All love and gratitude to God above!
TODAY I'M FEELING...
Grateful for new friends (@rogerinc - ati mad shout-out); old friends who always remind me that I can do it. Grateful for a sounding board called Edu who takes all my mood swings and severe bouts of insecurity. Grateful to my folks for letting me mess up and still loving and supporting me. My siblings. Kui.
WHAT I AM LISTENING TO...
#myplaylist I wanna be a millionaire so freaking bad.... la la la
THIS WEEKEND...
Again, I shall be indoors typing furiously to keep up with the numerous ideas coming to my mind. The proposals must be written. Must be well-presented. Must be...
I"M CRAVING...
Food. I don't care which. I am STARVING!
I WISH...
that Kenyans would realize that they are first Kenyans then whatever tribe second.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK...
"When you are finished changing, you are finished." Benjamin Franklin
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