I'M EXCITED ABOUT...
Next week. With our big IFEA Arts event, there will be lots of work and loads of fun. FAFA cocktail and gala show... Mad excitement!!!
TODAY I'M FEELING...
Low. I haven't slept well. Thoughts can be a bad thing at night.
WHAT I AM LISTENING TO...
The sound of rubber-soled shoes as people walk up and down in the office. In the distance I hear the sound of muted conversation. Sigh. It is going to be a long day.
THIS WEEKEND...
I desperately need some rest in preparation for next week. I will not have the luxury of resting properly so I have to whip myself back into gear before the hectic week begins.
I"M CRAVING...
a beef platter from Legends.... mmmmmhh
I WISH...
that I could express myself eloquently when speaking, as I do when writing. Especially when I am confronted with a situation that is uncomfortable, to put it mildly.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK...
"Whether or not you think you can or you can't, either way you are right." Henry Ford
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Reflections and thoughts...
I'M EXCITED ABOUT...
The challenges that lie ahead. I am feeling good about myself and my achievements this past year. Somewhere earlier on this year I felt that I would collapse under the weight of my worries and stresses (The most difficult phase of your life is not when no one understands you; it is when you don't understand yourself) but looking back, I think this has been one of my greatest successes in my life. Conquering the weights and demons brought to life the saying "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
TODAY I'M FEELING...
Optimistic. I am looking into the future and seeing hope. Grand plans. Opportunities. I am happier than I have been in a long time.
WHAT I AM LISTENING TO...
As I type this I am in a workshop dealing with start-up strategies. I am listening to some of the world's greatest authorities in the subject share their two cents (which to me is actually their several millions worth of advice). I realize that it is a new day for the contemporary student and feel a twinge, wishing that I was me who would benefit from this amazing thinking.
THIS WEEKEND...
All roads lead to my SO's place. I have swollen feet from overtime at the office for the above mentioned conference. Rest and relaxation and movies all weekend. I am not interested in hearing any plans of going out, or anything like that. Indoors.
I"M CRAVING...
Liquorice. Don't ask. :)
I WISH...
that we Kenyans would include in the Vision 2030 a desire to have a serious reading culture. Maybe then we would have more people who could be more concise, and accurate, in their writing.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK...
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." Robert F. Kennedy
The challenges that lie ahead. I am feeling good about myself and my achievements this past year. Somewhere earlier on this year I felt that I would collapse under the weight of my worries and stresses (The most difficult phase of your life is not when no one understands you; it is when you don't understand yourself) but looking back, I think this has been one of my greatest successes in my life. Conquering the weights and demons brought to life the saying "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
TODAY I'M FEELING...
Optimistic. I am looking into the future and seeing hope. Grand plans. Opportunities. I am happier than I have been in a long time.
WHAT I AM LISTENING TO...
As I type this I am in a workshop dealing with start-up strategies. I am listening to some of the world's greatest authorities in the subject share their two cents (which to me is actually their several millions worth of advice). I realize that it is a new day for the contemporary student and feel a twinge, wishing that I was me who would benefit from this amazing thinking.
THIS WEEKEND...
All roads lead to my SO's place. I have swollen feet from overtime at the office for the above mentioned conference. Rest and relaxation and movies all weekend. I am not interested in hearing any plans of going out, or anything like that. Indoors.
I"M CRAVING...
Liquorice. Don't ask. :)
I WISH...
that we Kenyans would include in the Vision 2030 a desire to have a serious reading culture. Maybe then we would have more people who could be more concise, and accurate, in their writing.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK...
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." Robert F. Kennedy
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Oh, the pain...
Pretending that life is ok,
At least when you are around.
Inside of me I am crumbling but I will
Never let you see my tears.
Part of me just wants to lie down
And never open my eyes again
I could only hope and pray that a
New beginning awaits me somewhere.
Please understand I do not have strength
As I go about my daily day
If this is the plan I
Need an uplifting of my spirit.
Poverty of good will and love
Absinence from the pleasures of life
Intricacies of heart and mind
Neglect of body and soul.
At least when you are around.
Inside of me I am crumbling but I will
Never let you see my tears.
Part of me just wants to lie down
And never open my eyes again
I could only hope and pray that a
New beginning awaits me somewhere.
Please understand I do not have strength
As I go about my daily day
If this is the plan I
Need an uplifting of my spirit.
Poverty of good will and love
Absinence from the pleasures of life
Intricacies of heart and mind
Neglect of body and soul.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven - William Bulter Yeats
Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Where do we go from here?
Let me tell you a story.
Long ago, I learned that the easiest way to avoid heartbreak was to guard your heart. And guard it I did. Slowly but surely I erected this brick wall around my heart. An impenetrable fortress that stood against the tides of flirtation, proposals and romances. Until you came along.
I thought I had tried that love thing and given up, but brick by brick you took down my wall. Soothing words, concern, and friendship won me over without my consciousness, until the day I woke up to your voice and realized I was naked before you. We had become more than friends and I let you in.
I know you might feel guilty babe
Don't let the mind do the speaking
Just let the heart do the leading
Cause we gave each other what we both wanted
Look what we've started
After all that has been said and done, even if my heart feels so much fear, where do we go from here?
Long ago, I learned that the easiest way to avoid heartbreak was to guard your heart. And guard it I did. Slowly but surely I erected this brick wall around my heart. An impenetrable fortress that stood against the tides of flirtation, proposals and romances. Until you came along.
I thought I had tried that love thing and given up, but brick by brick you took down my wall. Soothing words, concern, and friendship won me over without my consciousness, until the day I woke up to your voice and realized I was naked before you. We had become more than friends and I let you in.
I know you might feel guilty babeDon't let the mind do the speaking
Just let the heart do the leading
Cause we gave each other what we both wanted
Look what we've started
After all that has been said and done, even if my heart feels so much fear, where do we go from here?
Friday, June 4, 2010
Colors of Hate...
The cold in her body,
chilling blue.
The hate in her brain,
scorching fire.
Her dripping hair,
velvet black.
Jealousy in her heart,
unripe green.
She's colder than ice,
yet too hot to handle.
She'll strike with a passion,
so strong and intense;
her heart stone;
her blood fire;
her soul coal;
she'll revenge...
chilling blue.
The hate in her brain,
scorching fire.
Her dripping hair,
velvet black.
Jealousy in her heart,
unripe green.
She's colder than ice,
yet too hot to handle.
She'll strike with a passion,
so strong and intense;
her heart stone;
her blood fire;
her soul coal;
she'll revenge...
I do
All I ever want is to be a part of your heart,
And for us to be together, to never be apart.
No one else in the world can ever compare,
You are perfect and so in this love we share,
I love you more than I ever thought I could.
I hope you realize how perfect you are,
When you are seen through my eyes.
I love you.
And for us to be together, to never be apart.
No one else in the world can ever compare,
You are perfect and so in this love we share,
I love you more than I ever thought I could.
I hope you realize how perfect you are,
When you are seen through my eyes.
I love you.
Redefinition of Woman
Woman.
Me.
Feminine.
Questions?
Do you?
Ass: Godless existence trapped in time and space.
STOP
Soulful presence surpassing transgressions.
Breasts: Inevitability creating a whirlwind of chaos.
STOP
Facets of beauty; facets of purity.
Thighs: Pillars of society defining acceptability.
STOP
Independent spirit soaring through norms.
Curves: Undefined diversions of morality.
STOP
Highway of love.
Redefinition of Woman.
Me.
Feminine.
Questions?
Do you?
Ass: Godless existence trapped in time and space.
STOP
Soulful presence surpassing transgressions.
Breasts: Inevitability creating a whirlwind of chaos.
STOP
Facets of beauty; facets of purity.
Thighs: Pillars of society defining acceptability.
STOP
Independent spirit soaring through norms.
Curves: Undefined diversions of morality.
STOP
Highway of love.
Redefinition of Woman.
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer - copyright © 1999
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The most difficult phase of your life is not when no one understands you; it is when you don't understand yourself
Of late, I have been having what I thought was major writer's block. It turns out that, after long days and periods of soul-searching and taking a step back from life, I have not been at peace. Something is amiss in my life. I still do not know what, but I do know what the symptoms are. They include a feeling of lethargy all the time; a blatant disregard for things that used to make me happy; a sense of confusion over when, where and how; a consistent fear of the unknown; a discomforting feeling that I have lost control over my life and that everything is rushing past me; constant mental self-flagellation.
I have been sick for about three weeks. I have been plagued by a cold so vicious that it seems to be crafted only by the Devil. I had ulcers that made me believe that my insides were slowly being turned out. Yet, through this time, it was not so much the physical infirmity that brought me down, it was the mental strain that took a major toll on me and caused me to have some form of depression brought about by insomnia.
I am better now, at least physically I am. Mentally, it has been a struggle. A struggle understanding that I am not being irrational. A struggle not to silence that voice within that was warning me that something was seriously wrong. A struggle accepting that things have changed; that I have changed, and that this is not necessarily a bad thing; a struggle to decide that though I may be my biggest critic, I should also be my own greatest fan. And in my darkest hour came that epiphany that I had been fighting to get: He was not in the wind, the fire, or the earthquake; He was in the quiet voice. Be still.
THE SITUATION
In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
I have been sick for about three weeks. I have been plagued by a cold so vicious that it seems to be crafted only by the Devil. I had ulcers that made me believe that my insides were slowly being turned out. Yet, through this time, it was not so much the physical infirmity that brought me down, it was the mental strain that took a major toll on me and caused me to have some form of depression brought about by insomnia.
I am better now, at least physically I am. Mentally, it has been a struggle. A struggle understanding that I am not being irrational. A struggle not to silence that voice within that was warning me that something was seriously wrong. A struggle accepting that things have changed; that I have changed, and that this is not necessarily a bad thing; a struggle to decide that though I may be my biggest critic, I should also be my own greatest fan. And in my darkest hour came that epiphany that I had been fighting to get: He was not in the wind, the fire, or the earthquake; He was in the quiet voice. Be still.
THE SITUATION
In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Impossible by Christina Aguillera featuring Alicia Keys
It's impossible
It's impossible to love you
If you don't let me know what you're feeling
It's impossible for me to give you what you need
If you're always hiding from me
I don't know what hurt you
I just, I wanna make it right
I'm sick and tired of trying to read your mind
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you
It's the way it is
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible
If you making it this way
Impossible to make it easy
If you always trying to make it so damn hard
How can I give you all my love, baby
If you're always, always putting up your guard
This is not a circus
Don't you play me for a clown
How long can emotions keep on going up and down
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you
It's the way it is
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible
If you keep treating me this way
Over and over
Impossible baby
If you making' it this way
Oh baby, it's impossible
If you making it this way
It's impossible to love you
If you don't let me know what you're feeling
It's impossible for me to give you what you need
If you're always hiding from me
I don't know what hurt you
I just, I wanna make it right
I'm sick and tired of trying to read your mind
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you
It's the way it is
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible
If you making it this way
Impossible to make it easy
If you always trying to make it so damn hard
How can I give you all my love, baby
If you're always, always putting up your guard
This is not a circus
Don't you play me for a clown
How long can emotions keep on going up and down
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you
It's the way it is
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible
If you keep treating me this way
Over and over
Impossible baby
If you making' it this way
Oh baby, it's impossible
If you making it this way
You shot your arrow through my heart - written by Brian McKnight, performed by Az Yet Share
Quietly I watch you sleep
Hopefully you won't hear what I say
Wondering if I turned the clouds
Happy the moment I tasted your rain
Tonight was the night
That I saw my first sight
Of how pleasure wins over pain
Now I know what I know
Don't wanna ever let you go
I just hope that you feel the same
You shot your arrow
Through my restless, shaking heart
You came down on me slow
Drew back your bow
My lady, you shot your arrow
Straight through my heart
I kiss your mouth and stroke your hair
Intently I hang on your every breath
I know what I'm feeling right now
Is more than just lust
For the sake of your flesh
Girl, I need you now
I'll try my best to learn how
To be all that my words might say
Caressing your skin
I never imagined
That I'd ever feel this way
Girl, I need you
I'll try my best to learn how
To be all that my words might say
Caressing your skin
I never imagined I could
ever feel this way
Hopefully you won't hear what I say
Wondering if I turned the clouds
Happy the moment I tasted your rain
Tonight was the night
That I saw my first sight
Of how pleasure wins over pain
Now I know what I know
Don't wanna ever let you go
I just hope that you feel the same
You shot your arrow
Through my restless, shaking heart
You came down on me slow
Drew back your bow
My lady, you shot your arrow
Straight through my heart
I kiss your mouth and stroke your hair
Intently I hang on your every breath
I know what I'm feeling right now
Is more than just lust
For the sake of your flesh
Girl, I need you now
I'll try my best to learn how
To be all that my words might say
Caressing your skin
I never imagined
That I'd ever feel this way
Girl, I need you
I'll try my best to learn how
To be all that my words might say
Caressing your skin
I never imagined I could
ever feel this way
Diary of a disillusioned woman - Feb 1st
OMG!!!! I can't believe Sally is getting married!!!! Jack proposed to her last night!!! I mean, I am so happy for her!!! Though I must say she has to be a bit careful with that man; he's known to have a bit of a roving eye. Nonetheless, this is good news! Now Tony will start feeling the pressure of the need to get his house in order as Jack is soon-to-be a married man. I hope they don't pick my dream wedding month, February. That would be catastrophic considering that I want to be totally involved in her wedding, which is not possible if I am getting married around the same time. By faith I am going to be getting married this time next year.
Note to self: Valz plans!!!!
Ask Sally what Jack says that Tony said about the wedding issue
Doctor's appointment tomorrow
Note to self: Valz plans!!!!
Ask Sally what Jack says that Tony said about the wedding issue
Doctor's appointment tomorrow
Diary of a disillusioned woman - Jan 22nd
Life's back to normal. I guess it finally dawned on Tony that I am the queen of his life and that if he wasn't careful he could lose me. Not that I was capable of leaving. I love him too much. Beside, after five and a half years of dating, I cannot comprehend starting all over again. I mean, the awkwardness of a first date, getting to know someone, the process is just too rigorous!
Anyway, I went shopping with Sally and Lynne today. Got me some lovely lovely stuff. Tony will be jazzed!!! ;)
Note to self: I need to start figuring what to do for Tony for Valentine's. I really think we need to go out of town to sort of heighten our romance. We've been through enough as it is.
Anyway, I went shopping with Sally and Lynne today. Got me some lovely lovely stuff. Tony will be jazzed!!! ;)
Note to self: I need to start figuring what to do for Tony for Valentine's. I really think we need to go out of town to sort of heighten our romance. We've been through enough as it is.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Diary of a disillusioned woman - Jan 12
Ok. I know many will get so mad at me at this point, but here goes. Tony and I are back together. There, I said it, and I'm not making any apologies for it. I can't help myself; I love him so much. I understand that the alcohol got the better of him, and who am I to pass judgment considering the state I myself was in?
I met him today in Westlands and he looked such a mess. He told me that he was so sorry and that he had not managed a wink of sleep since 2nd, when he realized what he had done. I thought it was really sweet seeing him tormented and distraught all on account of what he had done. Besides, I really had missed him. I told him that we could try again, but on condition that something like that never happens again. You should have seen the relief on his face; it was as if I had just handed him a life line.
I met him today in Westlands and he looked such a mess. He told me that he was so sorry and that he had not managed a wink of sleep since 2nd, when he realized what he had done. I thought it was really sweet seeing him tormented and distraught all on account of what he had done. Besides, I really had missed him. I told him that we could try again, but on condition that something like that never happens again. You should have seen the relief on his face; it was as if I had just handed him a life line.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Diary of a disillusioned woman - Jan 6th
Should I even listen
Should I even try
Will I just be hearing the same old lines
Baby
See it doesn't matter
What you say this time
Cause our whole relationship
Is built on one lie
You say things aren't the way they seem
But still you can't come straight with me
I mulled over those words. I felt that Toni Braxton was speaking to me in her song Love Should Have Brought You Home Last Night. I took another sip of the chilled Simonsig white wine and sunk a little lower into the bath tub. The water had become tepid but I didn't notice until much later.
How can you think that you're in love
When you don't know the meaning of
Love shoulda brought you
Brought you
Home last night
You shoulda been with me
Shoulda been right by my side
Baby
If you cared anything for me
Then love woulda brought you
To me last night
I still was not talking to Tony.
Should I even try
Will I just be hearing the same old lines
Baby
See it doesn't matter
What you say this time
Cause our whole relationship
Is built on one lie
You say things aren't the way they seem
But still you can't come straight with me
I mulled over those words. I felt that Toni Braxton was speaking to me in her song Love Should Have Brought You Home Last Night. I took another sip of the chilled Simonsig white wine and sunk a little lower into the bath tub. The water had become tepid but I didn't notice until much later.
How can you think that you're in love
When you don't know the meaning of
Love shoulda brought you
Brought you
Home last night
You shoulda been with me
Shoulda been right by my side
Baby
If you cared anything for me
Then love woulda brought you
To me last night
I still was not talking to Tony.
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